God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
