I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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