At least make sure they are 18
Why
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
