before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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