if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
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there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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