There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I came so hard my ears popped.
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