Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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