if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
