Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
