lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
