I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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