You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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