We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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