I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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