Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
