I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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