i just wanna soil my oats bro
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
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i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
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Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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