you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
