Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
