Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
