drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
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We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize