so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I love having hate sex.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
