You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
