I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
