dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Also, beer. Big fan.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
