hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
