god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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