Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
