I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How does it feel to date your dad?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
