so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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