oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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