Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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