Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
