I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
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The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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