i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
