get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
