He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
