I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Sober January is a disaster.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
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You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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