Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i believe in u and ur pee
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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