Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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