so let's talk penis.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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