Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
