i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
