Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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