I accidentally burped into my bong.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
