Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
