At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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