There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
