you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
