do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
