Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
