is your mom at the bar?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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