I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
