I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
