Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
