I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
