Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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