i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
