My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
