I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
that may or may not have been my penis.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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