we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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