were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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