Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
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I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
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I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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