Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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