Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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