he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Is it because I queefed?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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