You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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