He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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