I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I FOUND THE LEGS
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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