I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
