I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
