I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
