hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
