I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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