Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize