I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
