My first STD was from a foam party
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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