I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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