i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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