it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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