I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
