You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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